thoughts that need to be set free from my overstressed mind

So people it's January 13th 2007, you would think that a new year would be good things but in my case it's the same as always. Y'see I'm going to be 35 very soon and I've totally missed out on alot in life. I got into alot of bad drugs and alcohol when I was younger. these things took over my life and prevented me from going to school, university and so on. I'm sitting here feeling all sorry for myself because every time that I come up with a good idea to get myself going., no one around me take it seriously. I 've had many great ideas and business plans. Fantastic time saving inventions for everyday life. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not here to boast or say that I'm better but I have these great ideas. I'm stuck in where I don't think there is any way out. I feel like hell. I feel like no one understands or really gives a shit. Why is it so hard to get ahead in life? Why can't I get my break, huh? I've had so many loses in my life. I've lost the woman I Loved. Her name was Mary. We have a daughter together but I don't get to see her. She's 10. She doesn't even know who I am.:( I had loved two others and they got abortions. What is a guy supposed to do to get things right? Why and how can this always happen? Because of this I really truly believe that GOD hates me. I think he/she/it has a real hate on for me. Why else would everything be crap. Carppy life, crappy leg, crappy health, crappy JOBS, crappy crappy crappy. Why can't he/she/it pick on someone else for a few years. Believe me if I told you everything. You would cry for weeks and have nightmares for years. I don't know why I'm pouring this out here for the world to see but fuck it. I got nothing much else to loose. The cynisist (if that's even a word)is what I have become in my years. I wish the world would get a new paradigm. I wish that money would be abolished completely and forever. I wish science would prevail over entertainment. I wish I had a girlfriend and a job and a house of my own. I wish My Friends were home. I wish someone would read this and tell me they understand. I wish I could walk properly again.
I want to be happy but I forget how.